Days filled with changing diapers, refilling sippy cups, interpreting mispronounced words and dodging objects being thrown across the room. Pouring yet another cup of coffee down my sleep-deprived throat while listening to screaming, avoiding the thrashing feet and changing the sheets because we can’t find diapers that fit… desperately trying to find a glimpse of good.
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I understand that most people don’t see this. They see the sweet, charming, smiley girl that appears anytime we head out in public. As long as she isn’t required to sit still for more than 3 minutes or isn’t in a grocery store or hearing the word “no”….
I’m fully aware that she is a like Jekyll and Hide some days.
Okay, within the span of 5 minutes.
I love her immensely.
But, oh how I would also love a full night of sleep.
Or even just 3 hours straight.
On days like today, when I’ve been awake since 4:45 (and in bed with her before that) because she refuses to fall back asleep and then rewards my efforts with 1 1/2 hours of screaming and crying….
Only to get up and realize that her sister has hidden my only source of relief….
Consoling her until said sister gets out of bed and hands over the treasure.
Then, dealing with her being tired and let’s be honest…. crazy cranky…. all day long.
Cringing as I hear that only source of relief crash against the stone fireplace in a moment of rage. Her only successful calming tool for the last four years. Gone.
On days like this, it can be hard to see the rainbow through the rain.
On days like this, it can be a saving grace just to catch a glimpse of good.
A glimpse of a smile.
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A glimpse of potty training hope.
A glimpse of a child who actually eats what you give her.
A glimpse of a girl who isn’t supposed to be able to walk climbing on her new bike with training wheels and heading off with a grin on her face.
These glimpses of good are the only things that get me through the day sometimes.
I don’t mind admitting that.
Admitting that I am a real person, with real, tired, feelings. I’m human. The crankiness really gets to me.
Ahhh, but those glimpses….
They remind me of the awesome strides that she’s taking. And that working so hard to learn to talk can leave my little girl frustrated when she has to repeat something yet again. And that she loves everybody even when the kids just want to play without her because she doesn’t understand the game.
They are a glimpse of life beyond the special needs.
What have you caught a glimpse of lately?