He Said My Special Needs Child Should be Euthanized

My dear friends, I received a comment on a recent blog post that I couldn’t ignore. I know we don’t “feed the trolls“. But the disgusting comment made in regards to my post about taking my special needs daughter to the store left me a bit floored that such hate could exist in our world.

“Your special needs child should have been euthanized.” That’s what he said. He called my daughter an “it”.

But here’s what he doesn’t realize about my special needs child.

He told me I should euthanize my special needs child. Please share to let people know that every life is precious.

My daughter, Shiloh, was born “normal”. There was nothing wrong with her. No red flags, no obvious deformities. She cried, ate and made dirty diapers just like every other neuro-typical child.

She was almost a year old before we really started noticing that something was wrong.

What we were later to realize was a horrible disease called Rett Syndrome was starting to rear its ugly head.

But even despite the next few years screaming, clinginess, lack of skill building, we have a “miracle” child. Our child has extremely ‘high’ functioning version of Rett Syndrome. Unlike many other girls that are diagnosed with this disease, she is able to walk, use her hands and is even learning to talk. So many other beautiful girls don’t have that opportunity.

People often describe Rett Syndrome as girls who are trapped in their own mind. They can’t speak or move on their own, but their minds still work.

My beautiful daughter, at five years old, currently has the ability to express her mind. And I’m thankful for that. We are praying for a cure for her and the many other girls who are affected by this terrible disease.

So, her screaming in the store is very far down on my list of worries.

I worry if we’re going to wake up one day and the next stage of this wretched disease is going to set in.

I worry if all the work that she’s put into learning to talk and walk and play will disappear in the horrible regression stage that Rett Syndrome promises.

I know he doesn’t care about her medical history. And I know that nothing I say can change his hatred.

The sad part is that he is not alone. Comments such as this are made to parents of special needs kids every day.

For the record, this is what he said:

For one, your “special needs” child should have been euthanized, and for two, if it can’t behave in public it has no business being in public.

Some are told never to bring their child to church because they are disruptive. (As if Jesus didn’t die for them too.)

Some are told how ugly their child is.

Some are asked why they didn’t abort their child.

Some are asked why they haven’t institutionalized their child.

Some are asked why they even bother to try educating their child.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. 

But I have never considered that my daughter’s life and every other special needs child’s life isn’t worth celebrating.

My daughter wakes up every morning with a smile on her face. Let’s be honest. My daughter wakes up at 2am, 3am, 4am and more with a smile on her face.

Her laughter and smiles touch every person she talks to.

She has never met a stranger and gives amazing hugs to everyone that takes the time to try to understand her.

She loves building blocks, LEGOs, reading, and snowmen.

Last month she learned how to alternate feet going up the stairs.

She treasures her baby doll. Her name is Baby Pie if you haven’t been formally introduced…

She is obsessed with going to school and loves her teachers and friends.

Shiloh loves to pray and worship.

She has touched countless lives in her 5 years on this earth.

She has helped me find a place of love that I never even knew existed. 

So to the man who tried to leave that horrible comment on my blog (and I deleted), I hope that someday, somehow you will realize that all lives are sacred.

And to you, my awesome readers, I appreciate your kindness and support as we walk this journey with special needs.

Please share this post and let the world know that every life should be treasured. Let’s make our actions speak louder than those words.

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33 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness- people certainly don’t deserve the right to say anything to you. This is A CHILD. A BEAUTIFUL AMAZING, GOD-MADE CHILD. I have no words to even say that could justify replying to that person, but just saying that you are an amazing mom & how blessed you & your daughter are to have one another. When our son was born with hypertonia and we had therapy day after day after day for years, my mom said to me “God picked you to be his mother. He knew that it you would be the best mother to him… he needed you and you needed him. God knew exactly what he was doing.” Her words stuck with me & I am reminded of them so often, even 8 years later. So… ditto for you.

  2. I cannot believe that someone could be so cruel and hateful. I am so sorry. I work with special needs children everyday, and I can tell you that the word special in their description means so much more than it’s actual intention. In my heart, the word special comes to mean how special they are to me, and how special the time is that I get to spend with them. I am an assistant SLP in grad school to become a licensed SLP. I am so thankful to be placed where I am and to be able to work with these children. They are the sunshine in my day and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had tears in my eyes when one of these special kids has shown some new communication skill—even if it’s just reaching for an object to choose between two things he’d like to do, or making eye contact and smiling at me. The person who said those horrible things must have no heart at all or a heart made of stone, and he must be truly unhappy with his own life that he must try to tear down another in order to feel good about himself. You are an amazing mother, teacher, blogger, and designer of learning/teaching materials. You are an inspiration Thank you for all you do!! Keep up the great work, and God bless you and your precious family, especially your special daughter!!

  3. Wow. Can’t even imagine why such a callous human-ish being was even reading your blog. Can’t say out loud what I think about him. What a horrible thing to say about anyone EVER!

    You know a blessing when you see one. Your little girl is on this earth for a reason and the joy she brings you probably isn’t the half of it. Miracles abound and you have more wonderful reports to come!
    Many blessings
    Sinea ♥

  4. Kim,

    My heart breaks that you heard that – ever. The world is full of broken folks who are so clueless that the words they sling STING and shatter us. I heard someone – following my college-aged son’s death from a drug alcohol interaction on spring break say, “It’s no big loss, he was a druggie.”

    Wonder about the man who spoke those harsh words were the dad of your daughter or my son? I just wonder if God would have softened his heart by now – or what it will take to do that?

    Warmly,
    Susan

    PS-please share your words at the DanceWithJesus linkup at susanbmead.com/blog bless someone there, please.

  5. My “special needs” granddaughter passed away at 2 1/2 years old. I learned to love freely from her short life here on earth, and I miss her so much. These children are truly God’s gift to us.

  6. I worked as a School Bus Drives in Anaheim, Ca. for 9 years and Loved it. I did Pre. k thought 6 for Anaheim City and then 7 and pass High School. I loved that job. Most of these Kid, could walk and talk, not all but most and I will tell you I did not have trouble like on the so called normal Kids Bus. I Love everyone of my Kids, Yes I said my kids because, I had some of them on my bus up to 2 hours a day. That man dose not know what he is talking about.
    God Bless you and your Daughter

  7. Children like your daughter are amazing. They teach the rest of us so much about perseverance, hope, determination, and love. I am very grateful we have them in our world, and so very sorry you got this comment.

  8. Hi, your post was very touching and I am sorry that you live as an experience as a parent. I often try to remind my daughters that while we may not be able to control what happens around us, we always have a choice as to how we choose to interact with what is happening. We shall not feed the trolls by acknowledging the limitations and fears they carry. We live in a wold where many fail to realize that each one of us is whole and complete. There is so much to learn from each other and even though this is the first time I read your posts, I feel the beauty that is your daughter. Thank you for sharing! – Elaheh Bos (www.plantlovegrow.com)

  9. Be encouraged…There is nothing too hard for God. Right now, as I am writing to you, I am already believing God for the restoration of everything needed.

  10. His comment is disturbing beyond words. Your response and your family are beautiful. I love reading your posts about Shiloh and all of the wonderful things she is doing. You are an amazing, talented and creative Mama.

  11. You handled this vile comment with such grace! (I don’t know if I would have been able to do the same!) Your daughter deserves to be here as much as anyone else and has her own gifts to offer. Keep on inspiring! 🙂

  12. Your daughter was created by the Lord and is much loved by Him. What can even be said in response to that statement… bless you and your family as you walk this narrow narrow road.

  13. In my book God gave you your daughter because he knew you were very special and your little one needed someone that special to take care and love her. You’ve both been chosen for each other! What a privilege and blessing that is!!!

    Forget the sickoes! They’re not worthy of you! Time will take care of them, as Divine Justice ALWAYS prevails!

    I congratulate you and your daughter – you’re both miracles!

  14. I’m very sorry you had to endure those hurtful words.. Through experience I have learned it is very important for me to pray for people that truly don’t understand.. Their heart is so hard for whatever reason.. I simply pray their heart be filled with love & joy.. If their heart has love & joy they will have peace & there’s no way ignorance nor ugly words could come from their mouth.. Your precious children are a gift from God all of them..

  15. Your post brought tears to my eyes as I encountered a similar situation at my sons doctor visit. He was four years old at the time. He does not do well with change. We just moved to a new city and this was his first visit to the doctors office so this was a huge change for him. As the nurse asked him to step on the scale he ran behind me and started to have a meltdown. This older man looked and blurted out he needs to be spanked for not listening, give him to me for one week and this will be straightened out. I ignored this man and it took everything in me to ignore him and I did this because I also had my older three sons with me for their visit as well. I was so upset and hurt. When my husband arrived home from work, I explained what happened but I’m happy he was not there because I would have been asked by him to take the children to the car so he can have a conversation with this man. I’ve encountered the nothing’s wrong, the doctors have no clue, it’s just another label to put on your child. I can say, our special needs son and he is special to our family has taught us so much no one could imagine. He’s almost 11 and we still get those looks and some want to attempt to say something but they don’t. No one can understand what he and are other sons go through on a daily basis and honestly we don’t want them to understand because they were not blessed to see how our special son is a blessing and gift from God. You, your daughter and family are a blessing. I’m blessed to have found you and your blog. We are thankful for all the hard work you do and resources you share with us. From one special parent to another, keep doing what you are doing and God bless.

  16. Wow. Im sorry that happened to you. I worked with Special Education, and yes they have their moments I want to pull my hair out. It is the most rewarding job to see how they learn and grow. I dont share this often with public but I have 22q (The Velco syndrome). Growing up I was tested alot or talked down alot for being different so adulthood was a bit of a struggle until I learned to accept what I have and not allowing it affect who I am or other’s say. I My family and childhood friends made life bitter sweet getting through. I have a wonderful boyfriend who accepts all flaws for two years. I gotten very lucky with my diagnose (I hate when people call it a disease bc its not close). You cant tell until you get to my medical history.

    Point being – I feel everyone has some big major flaw about them even if its not medically. And those who are negative are just not happy with themselves and their lives. Feel its make them feel better about themselves even if it hurts others.

    I dont always comment but I always read your blogs. Your daughter is very special and she is going to grow up perfectly and achieve as far as she wants . Our struggles make us stronger and special – shapes our futures and that’s for anyone 🙂

    What you and your family believe about your daugther is most important

  17. I can’t imagine the miserable existence this person must be experiencing in order to convey such a hateful thought. This post was important for me to read, because it reminded me that we still have work to do when it comes to welcoming those with special needs (and their parents) into day to day life. May we all remember to be gentle and kind, and allow love to always be our guide. I am beyond sorry this happened to you, but so proud of your bravery! I hope this person reads these comments, and sees that this type of behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Perhaps he is the one who should avoid going in public.

    Peace and love,
    Katie

  18. Humm, sounds like someone needs to reevaluate what is important. We need to learn to embrace diversity not discriminate against. I is truly sad that people think they have the right to judge who deserves life. There really aren’t word except to say I feel sorry for that person because a person that lives without kindness in their heart doesn’t live at all.

  19. ALL kids are blessing. I drove bus for ARC for 8 yrs. they became my extended family. I moved 12 yrs ago and I miss them much. Have gotten word a few times of some of them pacing on because of age or one seizures and cried my eyes out. they are truly wonderful people.

    Also somethings can be healed with Homeopathy. if vac induced even greater chance. not say Shiloh can but it would be worth checking with Joette to see. whether vaced or not being the issue. just because she was good till older. not from birth, tells me you most likely vaced. please call joette and have her take shiloh’s case. joetteclabrese.com or even study for yourself at this site.

    not saying she isn’t great like she is but if she can be healed why not? or even if it keeps her from getting worse, pray about this and look at site.

    joettecalabrese.com

  20. This just makes me want to cry! And I admit, angry….how can human hearts be SO filled with hatred indeed!

    I was told to abort one of my six children, and given reason to not continue the pregnancy in another (one because I was a young unmarried teen & in university on partial scholarship AND number two, told me our first daughter might have Down’s-but thankfully Christians surrounded us and encouraged us!)

    The life story of your daughter is inspirational 🙂 Thanks for sharing from your journey.

  21. Praise God for you and your precious children. All of them. Thanks for standing up for Shiloh. She is one of the blessed ones in Jesus’ eyes (and he knows best).

  22. Thankfully she is your child, praying for your heart to be healed from the nasty comment…praying for the heart to be changed of the one who left the comment.

  23. It is rare that I am speechless. 😉 Please know that you and your child are priceless gifts from God to our world. He isn’t finished with either of you yet!

  24. How could people be so cruel? I just don’t understand it. I really don’t.
    Your daughter is beautiful for all the hard work she puts into everything – much more than anyone can imagine. She is beautiful just because she is a testimony of the miracle of life, as every human being is.
    I know very little about Rett Syndrome, but I took this moment to read a little more. I hope you find the strength and courage to deal not only with the challenges you are facing, and the heartbreak, but also with the cruelty of others.

  25. I can not imagine what ugliness is in that man’s heart. Scratch that, he has no heart. Every life is precious. I believe every life has a purpose. And every child is a blessing.

  26. You, Shiloh, and your family are so undeserving of that ignorant person’s remarks. My heart goes out to you as you work and pray with Shiloh to make her life as enriched as you can. With affection, Denise

  27. Your child is a beautiful, amazing gift. So is my son, who has autism. The person who said that is… well I can’t say what comes to mind first because I won’t stoop to his level. But people like him are to be pitied & then ignored. What a sad, twisted life someone must have to be so filled with pointless hatred.

  28. I’m so so sorry someone would even think to post something so awful. Your daughter is a blessing and anyone who thinks otherwise needs a big wake up call. Hugs for you and your precious daughter!

  29. It is SO SAD that people are so blind to make comments like this. We struggle with issues still undiagnosed and my kids are loud and rowdy in public sometimes…most every kid will misbehave in public at some point (I am sure this man did plenty of times.) While my husband was overseas and I was pregnant, I went to a lease signing event with our toddler and was told I shouldn’t have another baby and am a horrible mom because my son was being obnoxious (aka, quietly pretending his rocket ship was flying, as he sat still in his seat.) People just do not get it sometimes. It’s hard to ignore what people like this say, and some are on the fence thinking like this and many are on the other end hearing these horrible comments and needed to hear this, so thank you for sharing.

    PS, At our church you hear babies and children making noise a lot and our pastor praises it…it is better to just have them there hearing God’s word and Jesus loves them just as much.

  30. Your child — your whole family — is beautiful and such a blessing to our lives, and so many more. This was the perfect way to respond to hate, my friend. Love you all.